Fatherless
by actionman81
Summary: Noah proves, to his grade school classmates, that he's got a father after all. Can Olivia handle it when Noah shows off a photo of Elliot Stabler?
1. Chapter 1

New York City  
January 2019

It had been another excruciatingly long day at SVU, and the last thing Olivia Benson, lieutenant, wanted to do was deal with an argumentative six year old.  
"Why does Lucy have to always go home?" Noah balked  
"Well" Liv began, "she helps us out and takes care of you while I'm at work and you're home from school"  
"So" Noah scoffed  
"Did she help you with your homework?" Liv tried to continue the conversation  
"Nope" Noah walked away from her  
"Alright" Liv sighed, "Let's go ahead and get started, then"  
"No!" Noah verbally lashed out  
"Noah, remember what we talked about using our inside voices"  
"It's not fair. Jeremy said he won't play with me because I don't have a Dad. But I do. I showed him that I do!"  
"You – showed him?" Liv was internally horrified that Noah had found something of Johnny D's and had brought it to show his first grade classmates.  
"What did you – um- show him?"  
"This" Noah reached into his blue backpack and pulled out a framed photo. Liv knew exactly where he'd found it  
"Where did you find that?" she questioned him calmly, even though alarm bells were ringing in her mind.  
"If my Daddy is in heaven, what does he look like?" Noah skirted around the question  
"Um-" Liv was at a loss for words. Meanwhile, Noah barreled on,  
"Is this him? I found it while looking for the baseball bat I know you got me for my birthday"  
"Noah" Liv began, but she didn't get very far. She glanced down at the framed photo Noah had given back to her. It showed her, much younger, with short hair, laughing while next to her, his arm around her shoulders, was a good looking man who sported a beard.  
"Is it?" Noah kept prattling on, "Huh? Then I can tell Jeremy again and make him stop bugging me!"  
Liv stared at the photo, which she'd kept hidden away.  
"Noah, I've told you before" she started, "I don't like it when you go through my closet, especially when I'm not home"  
"But you go into my room all the time!"  
"I do" she nodded, "but I'm your mother, and I take care of you. When you're grown up, you can-"  
"I'm tired of waiting to be grown up!" he shouted and ran off to his room  
Liv sighed, realizing that she had two problems to deal with tonight, instead of just one.  
The first was that Noah had to work on his anger and his temper.  
The other, was that he'd found a photo of Elliot Stabler.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia gave her son a few minutes to himself, as well as allowing herself some time to regroup. How could a six year old understand what was going through her mind, let alone how he must've been trying to make sense of the jumbled information, himself.  
"Noah?" Olivia pushed open the bedroom door. Toys lay scattered about the room, the bed unmade, and a very upset grade school age child lay face down on the cotton sheets of superheroes.  
"Go away!" he yelled through the pillow, not lifting his head from its resting spot.  
"No" she replied softly, "I'm not going anywhere. You can shout and scream and yell and kick as much as you'd like, but I'm not leaving you, and we are going to talk about this", she put emphasis on the word, are.  
Noah looked at her through tear stained eyes, "Is he?" was all he said  
"Is who what?" Olivia now sat on the foot of the bed, she rubbed her son's back over his t-shirt.  
"Is he my Dad?"  
Olivia smiled, "I wish I could say yes, but no, Noah, he isn't" why tell more lies, "But he was someone who was important to me, and maybe when you're older, you can understand"  
Noah inhaled deeply, ready to scream again. Olivia anticipated this.  
"I know" she patted his back, "You want to be grown up now" she sighed, "I suppose I can tell you some things for the moment"  
Noah scrunched up his face in thought, "If he's so important to you? How come you hid that picture way back in your closet?" he gestured to his room, "All my baseball cards are important and I keep them on my shelves"  
"Yeah" she laughed softly, "I can see how that's confusing", she watched her son. Noah rolled over on his back and deposited his feet into his mother's lap, his hands behind his head. She continued, "His name's Elliot, and we used to work together"  
"Like Uncle Fin and Uncle Carisi?"  
"Yes" she nodded, holding back the wave of emotion that she knew would surely come. It had been easier not talking about Elliot, not even saying his name, simply calling him her old partner. Would talking about him bring up all those ghosts of the past, tonight?  
"Grandma Sheila said that Ellie would've loved me. Is Elliot like that?" Noah furrowed his brows  
"Ellie was someone important to Grandma Sheila, and yes, Elliot was important to me" she smiled at her son, "Does that make a little bit of sense?"  
"I guess" Noah had calmed down by now, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Everybody has somebody at home. Why does it have to be just you here? How come we can't have anyone else?"  
"You've got Uncle Fin and Carisi, and Aunt Amanda-" Olivia began  
"Not all the time" Noah sighed, "Just sometimes, and Aunt Amanda already has a baby" he frowned  
"Yeah, she does" Olivia agreed, knowing that a second child would be on the way soon, for Rollins. "I know you feel upset and frustrated about things, but being a big boy means using words, and talking with your inside voice, and not screaming and yelling" she explained  
"Yeah" he looked away from her  
"Do you want me to treat you like a little baby?"  
"No, I'm big now! Babies don't like baseball and cartoons and – " he went on  
"Alright," Olivia smiled firmly, "then if you want to be treated like a big boy, you've got to act like one" she extended her hand, "do we have a deal?"

The next day,

"Grandpa, why do you have to take me to school today?" four year old Isabelle Montenegro looked up at the grizzled man holding her hand  
"Well, your Mommy's feeling ill today, and hey, don't you like it when I take you?"  
"I guess" she shrugged her little shoulders. Blonde hair, like her mother's, bounced around.

"I don't want to go!" Noah Benson shouted, as Olivia held steadfastly to his hand  
"It's ok" Liv sighed, "You know it's difficult for me to be away from you all day, too" she explained, although today she felt that she'd be fine away from her son, just for even a little bit of time.  
"I don't want to-" Noah shouted, and looked up, away from her, "Look! It's him! There's that Elliot man right there!" he pointed with his available hand, and tried to pull away from Liv's grip.  
Liv looked to where her son was pointing. By now, other parents were also looking on.  
Olivia Benson froze in her tracks. The world spun around her. Belatedly, she realized that her son ws tugging on her hand. She glanced down at him, not listening to what he was saying.  
There he was, not ten feet ahead of her, Elliot Stabler, as large as life.  
Liv forced herself to kneel in front of her son so she could look at Noah in his eyes, "We'll talk about this tonight, ok? Please just go to school, my sweet boy"  
"But- he's –" Noah protested  
"Noah, please" she implored with her eyes, but her voice was firm  
"Oh, alright" he dragged his backpack behind him and trudged dutifully into the school building, past his classmate Jeremy, who said nothing.  
"Bye, Grandpa!" Isabelle waved at her grandfather and ran happily into the school, not paying a whit of attention to the scene outside.  
Elliot stood outside the school steps, hands in his jeans' pockets. Olivia stood scarcely a few feet away, her arm clutching her shouldered purse.  
"Hello" was all he said.  
Olivia's eyes flashed mahogany, "Hello?" her voice was terse, "Seven years and I hear nothing and all you have to tell me is hello?"  
Elliot shrugged his shoulders, his hands still in his pockets. He looked good. His hair was salt and pepper now, cut close to his head, and his beard was short and scruffy, a different look for him- it softened his face.  
"I can't take all the blame" he replied thoughtfully, "a few phone messages and you all but forgot about me, too"  
Olivia was beside herself with a flood of emotions- anger, resentment, pain, anguish, and yes, hurt.  
"Oh, by the way" he turned to walk away, "Dean Porter says hi"


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia stared at him as he walked away from her. Resentment turned to anger, which seethed inside her. Who the hell did he think he was, showing up after seven excruciating years, and acting as if nothing had happened. How could he do that to her? How could-  
Olivia stopped herself. No, she wouldn't let him affect her like this. She'd moved on, past him; she was over him; she was beyond his reach. She - she-  
She power walked behind him.  
"How dare you!" she finally caught up within earshot of him.  
Elliot slowed his walk and turned back toward her. They stood on the sidewalk. Passers by ignored the pair's conversation.  
"How dare I, what?" he wanted to know.  
Olivia had a million things she wanted to say in response to that question. How dare he leave her without a trace, while she cried alone in an empty interrogation room. Didn't he know how she felt about him? She'd said it once as much, to a corrupt cop. Perhaps, she was really talking about herself, and about Elliot. Was he going to wake up and realize she was the woman he'd been waiting for?  
Well, was he?  
It didn't look like it.  
"You know damn well what you did"  
He looked at her, or rather, his blue eyes pierced into her soul, and he uttered the words she had a feeling he might say.  
"It's not like you to hold a grudge" the hands came out of his pockets. No ring, she noticed.  
Damn her for noticing.  
He went on, "It was good seeing you again, Liv" he smiled, and began extending his hand, but then stopped. "I – uh – take care" he spun on his boot clad heels and was off on his way once more.  
Liv didn't wait to reply this time, "No" was all she had to say.  
Elliot stopped, and turned around purposefully. He stared at her, waiting for her to contine.  
"Why?" she finished, "Why did you just leave, and say nothing. Didn't I matter to you? Didn't twelve years of being partnered matter?"  
"I –" he began  
"Well, spit it out, damn it!" she finally exploded.  
"I couldn't"  
"You couldn't?" she could hardly believe what she was hearing, "What, do you have some sort of nondisclosure contract? Is that part of whatever Kathy's doing to you this time?"  
"Kathy has nothing to do with this" he was terse, "now please, Liv, just let it go. Move on, be happy. Your – your son needs you"  
"You don't get to bring him up" she glared at him  
"Why not?" he crossed his arms in front of him. Passers by ignored the pair's argument. "He clearly knows who I am"  
"It's not like that" she began explaining  
He didn't let her finish, "It's ok. I didn't expect you to wait for me to get divorced. While I'm here, let me say that for what it's worth, you're still the closest relationship I've ever had with a woman"  
She knew exactly what he was talking about.  
Last time, he'd said longest.  
The change in dialogue meant something- to him, to her, to both of them.  
"Close" she scoffed, "and you couldn't bother to let me know you were alright"  
"I can't get into this now, Liv"  
"You don't get to call me that anymore"  
"The hell I don't" he was blunt,  
"No" she was firm, "You don't. You don't own me. You never did"  
"I never wanted to"  
"You could've fooled me" she laughed derisively  
"I really can't talk right now. I've got to be somewhere"  
"Then go" she waved him away with her hand  
He turned to go, and then looked back, "I never meant to hurt you. That was never, ever, my intention"  
Olivia couldn't hold back, not now, not this moment, "You did. You hurt me terribly, El"  
He turned around, and faced her. "I'm sorry, Liv. You've got to believe me"  
"You have a funny way of being sorry" she sounded bitter  
"I want to keep talking" he glanced at his wristwatch, "but I've got to go"  
"I bet you do" she glared at him  
And then, he was off. Olivia was left on the sidewalk, a block from Noah's school. She dug her phone out of her purse.  
Damn, she was late for work.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia clutched her phone and knew she had one of two choices to make. She could just go to work, forget she'd even seen Elliot Stabler this morning, and push it all to the back of her mind. "Or," she mulled over the other possibility.  
"Fin" she spoke into her phone, "I'm going to be late. I have to take care of something"  
"You ok?" Fin wanted to know  
"I'll be alright" she lied, "You're in charge until I get in"  
"You got it!" came the reply  
Liv glanced around in the direction Elliot had stalked away. By now, throngs of New Yorkers made their way up and down the sidewalk.  
She headed in the direction she'd seen him travel.  
"This is ludicrous" she chided herself. The worst case scenario would be that she'd waste time trying to find out just where he disappeared to. The best case scenario – well, the less she thought about that right now, the better.  
She made her way through the pedestrians, doing her best not to be seen in case Elliot turned around. Finally, her patience and persistence was rewarded when a familiar grizzled head made a turn and she saw him duck into an alley. She walked faster now, and closed the gap as best she could.  
By the time she reached the alley, Elliot was gone. She glanced around, A few stray recycling bins and a trash dumpster were pushed up against the back of what must've been a restaurant, while the other wall was the back of what looked like a store, judging from the cardboard boxes lying in man-sized heaps by the back door.  
Olivia tried the restaurant first, quietly opening the door.  
Unfortunately, she only saw cooks, waiters and busboys rushing back and forth. A teenage waitstaff noticed her. She ducked away before anyone could ask questions. Quickly, she tried the store. The back door opened without an alarm and she slipped inside.  
The storeroom, or back room, was cluttered with mannequins in various states of undress, boxes of clothes and shoes arranged haphazardly, and a general mess about the place. Still, Liv saw a door ajar and could hear voices speaking in hushed tones.  
She neared closer. She could just make out what they were saying,  
"Since you're so late, we had to send them ahead without you" a man chided  
"But I'm the one spearheading this" she heard Elliot sound upset  
"We had to let Porter take the lead" the man replied  
"What, I can't have a life now?" Elliot was just as angry as he sound  
"No" the man was matter of fact, "you knew that years ago. This is old hat, Stabler, and by now, you shouldn't be making these kinds of mistakes"  
Olivia heard Elliot sigh. If Cragen had said anything like this, El would've stormed off right away  
"Don't get me started on family" the man went on, "I don't want to hear any excuses. Just head back to the office and be done with it. There's enough cases piling up already"  
"Fine" Elliot finally replied. Olivia was too close to the open doorway. Without warning, Elliot burst through the door and ran right into her.  
"Who the hell are you and who sent you?" a voice shouted. It wasn't Elliot. The other man in the conversation, Olivia now could see, had his pistol trained on her. His dark suit contrasted with Elliot's casual clothes.  
"Go on" he continued shouting, "spit it out before I drop you where you stand"  
Olivia was no slouch, "NYPD" she whipped out her badge and flashed at the men. She knew Elliot wouldn't aim a weapon at her, but she had no idea what this other guy would do.  
"Don't tell me" he smirked, "going shopping?"  
"There was a complaint that some men were casing this place" she lied, "I came to check it out"  
"NYPD sends a woman on her own?" he laughed, "Sounds about right"  
During all this time, Elliot had been painfully silent.  
The man glanced from Elliot to Olivia, "Go on, Stabler. What? You're going to leave her alone? What about all the shit you've said about how the NYPD can't find it's head out of its ass with a GPS?"  
Elliot didn't say a word. He glared back at the man, and then turned toward Olivia.  
"I knew you couldn't handle an investigation like this. Looks like I made the right choice with Porter" the man lowered his pistol, slapped Elliot on the shoulder and headed to exit the store's back room. Just before he left the room, he glanced back, "Be at the office by the time I get back"  
The door slammed behind him.  
"You shouldn't have come" Elliot glared at her, his eyes two icy pools  
"I didn't think that-" Olivia began  
"That's right" he was cold, "You didn't think"  
"How dare you talk to me like that" she shot back  
"Do you know what you even did?" he spoke to her like one would a child, "I have been building this investigation for years, years, and now, its given on a silver platter to Porter of all people"  
Olivia's mind flashed back to how a reporter named Jackson Zane had blown her cover while the team had been searching for children harmed by anthrax. She'd lashed out at him with nearly the exact same words.  
"No one could've known that" she hardened her gaze at him, "the way you've been so secretive"  
"It doesn't matter now" he scowled, "I got to change clothes and back to the office"  
"A case – with Dean Porter" she put the pieces together mentally, yet aloud, "You're with the FBI?"  
"Might as well let it out" Elliot sighed, "Huang pulled some strings, years after the shootout" he alluded to the death of Jenna Fox. "I couldn't get work, and didn't want to end up being a mall security cop" he grinned momentarily, then the smile faded just as soon as it had appeared, "so Cragen talked with Huang, who talked to Porter- and here I am"  
"Here you are" Olivia stared at him. He'd been gone for so long, and now, here he truly was, right in front of her.  
"I had no idea" she was honest, "Elliot, if I'd known, I'd have let you work without – well" she left the sentence unfinished  
"I suppose nothing could really keep us apart for too long", a smiled played on his face once more, "It really was good seeing you again, Liv" he stepped toward her, "and there's no real sense now of me keeping away from you. You already know my secret" he sighed, "one of them, anyway"  
He seemed to sense what she was thinking, "I'm not saying it'll be easy, and you might not believe it when I say this, but it was the hardest thing not being able to talk to you, to hear your voice, to even be this close to you"  
"And you stayed away – because?"she questioned him  
"The short answer is the job. I had work, and while my kids know a little about it, they're at least partially kept in the dark, for their own safety"  
"And you were worried about my safety?"  
"I was" he stepped closer still. They were barely inches away from each other now. "It killed me when that bastard Lewis-" he stopped, "I couldn't do anything to help you. It wasn't just about losing my job. I wouldn't have been able to take care of my kids without that job"  
Olivia remembered how he'd once said that the job, and his kids, and her, were the only things he had left in this world. They'd chosen each other that time. Could this be another opportunity for them?  
"I do have to get back to the office" he began, "but I'd like it if you could call me" he paused a moment, "if you want" he added.  
"Right" Olivia nodded, "I've got to get back to the precinct" she turned to leave. He followed her.  
They stood outside the store, out in the alley, neither making any real attempt to leave  
"Cute kid you've got" Elliot finally spoke  
"His name's Noah. He's almost seven" as soon as she spoke the words, she realized their significance as a measure of time.  
Elliot seemed to see that as well, "Seven years" he grinned, "People don't think that he's – uh"  
"He's not" the smile dropped from her face as she remembered everything about Ellie, Johnny D and Sheila. "No, nobody thinks that"  
"Right" he nodded, "I shouldn't have mentioned-"  
"No" she said hurriedly, "It's alright" she reassured him, "you were right, by the way. Being a mother is something else"  
"I knew you'd always make a great mom"  
Olivia blushed momentarily, despite herself  
Elliot went on, "I bet you think his Dad's pretty cute, too"  
Olivia's blush and budding smile vanished in a heartbeat. How could she explain things to Elliot. Did he actually know more than he was letting on?  
"His father's dead" she explained quickly, "his mother, too. I adopted him"  
"Oh" Elliot didn't really seem to know what to say after that. Somehow, that did something to partially bridge the chasm of seven years apart.  
He couldn't say much else. Just then, his cell phone buzzed and he answered it.  
"Yeah?" he stared into the screen  
Olivia could hear the other man on the phone, the same man who'd laughed derisively at Elliot earlier. Now though, he was screaming in terror.  
"Get down here, now. The whole thing's gone south"  
"What about Porter?" Elliot asked, meaning Dean Porter.  
"He's been made. They're rushing him to the ER now"  
"I've got to go" Elliot had hung up the phone and spoke the words to Olivia.  
"Right" she understood. He had work to do.  
She let him jog down the sidewalk, break into a run and be gone before she realized it. She looked back, after him, sighed, and hailed a taxi to get her back to SVU.


	5. Chapter 5

The day was a blur for Olivia. Casework, speaking with victims at the hospital, and with other victims at the precinct. She'd hardly glanced at the clock until a video call came through  
"Hi Noah" she smiled  
"Lucy picked me up from school" he prattled on, "Jeremy said I could sleep over tonight, but Lucy said I had to ask you first"  
"Oh, you and Jeremy are friends again?"  
"Yeah, can I go, huh? Can I?" he asked  
"Sure, of course" Olivia glanced at the calendar; it was Friday. "Just have his Mom or Dad get in touch with me later"  
"Ok! I got to go pack my pajamas and Eddie!"  
"Sure, my sweet boy." Olivia smiled, "how did Jeremy and you patch things up?"  
"I told him I had a Daddy after all"  
"You did?" Olivia internally hoped that Noah had mentioned heaven  
"Yeah, I told him that that Elliot man was my Daddy" and then he hung up  
Olivia stared at the black screen and shuddered. She was horrified for two reasons  
One, Noah was telling his classmates that Elliot was his father  
Two, the news would certainly end up coming back to Elliot.  
She had to do something about that.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia tried looking calm as she was internally screaming. "Noah's told his classmates that Elliot is his father" she tried to rationalize things. She scrolled through her phone's contacts. While Elliot had said to call her, he'd never actually given her his phone number. There was a slight, small chance that in the past near decade that he'd been away, his phone number hadn't changed, yet. She found his contact information, having never deleted it, and it was oddly juxtaposed to the other male entries in the phone's directory, including Tucker, Cassidy, Amaro, Fin, and Carisi. Of course, they weren't all past romantic relationships, certainly not Carisi or Fin, but then again, she scrolled past David's name with a slight twinge of – guilt? Regret? She wasn't sure.  
Here it was, Elliot's number. She pressed the green icon and made the call.  
"Elliot, we need to talk" she rushed through the greeting, staring at him on the video call.  
"Hi, how are you. Oh, I'm fine, thanks" he laughed through the conversation with himself.  
"Hello, Elliot" she forced herself, "How are you?" she spoke through gritted teeth  
"Fine, actually" he went on, "I've got a moment here at the bureau. What can I do for you?"  
"We haven't spoken properly yet, and I hate asking you this-"  
"Sure, the cat's out of the bag now, so just name it, Liv"  
Olivia sighed, "I told you about my son"  
"He's adorable" Elliot grinned, "when he's not having a meltdown"  
"Yes" she agreed, "He's – he's told his classmates that you're his father"  
"No really, Liv. What can I do to help you out?"  
"I just told you" she frowned, "he's told his classmate that you are his father. And he's spending the night at the other boy's house right now"  
"And what do you want me to do about that?"  
"I figured if I warned you, let you know, that you could handle it on your end"  
"Liv, I don't think think two grade school children can cause much of a problem. I mean, I remember when Eli was that age- hell, I remember when Dickie was that young, too" he smiled at her through the phone, "Do you want me to talk to him? I mean, is that too much or crossing boundaries?"  
"I- uh" Olivia hesitated  
Just then, Sonny Carisi stuck his head through the ajar door, "Hey Lieu, I was wondering if – oh, you're busy now"  
"Let's meet outside. I'll call you in ten minutes" Olivia quickly ended the call, "Yes?" she glanced at the detective  
"Since Rollins isn't going to be coming back to work anytime soon, on account of the baby, I was wondering if – were you planning on pairing me up with Fin, – or?"  
"Yes, you'll be partnered with Fin for the time being. I know how – I mean, I know you'll want to be back with Rollins as soon as possible. I'm fine with that, as long as it doesn't interfere-"  
"Oh, no – nothing like that" Carisi interrupted her, "I like working with her, and that's all, and I just- I want her to be happy, but it's nothing like that"  
"Carisi" she slipped the phone in her purse and slung the bag on her shoulder, "Trust me. "I know better than anyone how easy it is to get close with somebody you're working with"  
"It's really-" he tried to backpedal  
"I've been there" Olivia went on, "and I know that it's not always easy" she crossed the room and was next to him, her hand on the doorknob, "if you'll excuse me, I've got a few last minute errands to take care of. I'll let Fin know he's in charge for the remainder of the day"  
She left Sonny Carisi standing in the open doorway as she headed through the precinct and straight to the elevator. She gave a message to Fin as he was coming off the elevator as she stepped in.  
A few minutes later, she was on the street, her ear to her phone, as she told Elliot where to meet her. They had much to discuss.


	7. Chapter 7

By the time Olivia reached her destination, Elliot was already there. They'd mutually agreed that Elliot coming to the precinct or Olivia coming to the bureau would've been a disaster. There were too many memories for Elliot at the 16th precinct, and both knew that Olivia had accidentally put herself right in the middle of Elliot's formerly ongoing investigation. A public park seemed a good meeting spot. Out in the open yet secluded from prying eyes, as parents, nannies and children didn't seem to care about the two adults talking among themselves.  
"Hi" Elliot waved. Olivia's heart did a somersault in her chest. She sighed out of frustration, angry with herself that she couldn't simply turn off that part of her, the part she'd rather refuse to acknowledge.  
Elliot got into the heart of the conversation, "So, when do I get to meet the little guy?" he grinned.  
"That's what I wanted to talk with you about" she began, "Noah's at his friend's house tonight, for a sleepover, and I thought we could hash this out before things go any further" she clarified, "You probably don't want everyone thinking you had a sixth child" she sighed, "especially with me"  
"That wouldn't be so bad" he smiled.  
Olivia controlled herself, "I'd like to have a plan, something ready to tell him"  
"Sure" Elliot sat down on a park bench. It was late afternoon, perhaps early evening, and the sun hadn't begun its decent yet. "How'd he come up with that anyway? That I was his Dad?"  
"There's this photo that I have- he managed to find it" Olivia conceded, though she didn't want to  
"Managed?" Elliot grinned, "What, did you have it hidden away somewhere?"  
Olivia's expression gave away her answer.  
"Which photo?" he questioned her gently.  
"You don't remember?" the memory was etched into her mind like it had happened yesterday. It was one of the reasons she'd hidden the photo away for such a long time. To see it on her dresser or night stand would've been far too much for her to bear-

They'd been partners for three years by then. She'd heard Elliot speak about his family, The twins had been ready to start Kindergarten when she's begun at SVU, Kathleen was in grade school, and Maureen in high school. Olivia had heard Elliot speak about the kids, watched them grow up through photos on his desk.  
"Come on, it'll be fun" Monique Jeffries ribbed Olivia good-naturedly, "how often does John celebrate anything, really?"  
True, John Munch hardly brought up birthdays or other celebrations, but he'd invited the squad to what he called a "divorce dinner" meant to celebrate his divorce anniversary.  
"Which one?" Elliot had joked  
"Who can keep track?" Munch had shot back with a smile on his face.  
Dinner had been fun, a much needed break. Munch had snapped photos and later sent the film to be developed. Olivia had remembered that Kathy wasn't at the party, if one could call it that.  
"Kid stuff" Elliot had explained  
"And you're not home with them?" Olivia had wondered aloud  
"Sometimes, they need their mom more than they need me" he laughed, but Olivia could see the pain in his eyes. He downed his drink quickly and grinned, just as Munch had shown up and snapped a photo of them, practically arm in arm.

The memory had been fleeting. After, when everyone had gone home, Olivia had gone back to her apartment, after Elliot had dropped her off, and thought about what he'd said. She'd felt that no, his children did need their father, as much as they needed their mother.  
Weeks later, after the photos had been distributed in the bullpen, Olivia had tucked hers away in her purse until she'd come home, framed it and kept it among other photos she'd treasured.  
That is, until Elliot had walked out of her life, seemingly forever.  
And was now, back in.

"Oh, that photo" Elliot realized belatedly. "That was a long time ago, Liv"  
"It was" she agreed, "and you can understand now why I kept it away"  
"I never meant to hurt you like that" he apologized  
"You did" she sighed, "even if you didn't intend to" she finished the question, "but right now, I need your help. I wanted you to be ready, to be prepared if this rumor gets out farther than just between Noah and his friend Jeremy"  
"I still don't think it's anything that I can't handle" Elliot grinned  
"I've seen rumors get out of hand" Liv spoke candidly, "and you know you have, too"  
The smile vanished, "I could go over there now, if you'd like me to"  
"I don't want to interrupt his playtime, but I also don't want to leave this to chance, either"  
"Come on" Elliot took her hand, "a wise woman once told me there's no time like the present"


	8. Chapter 8

"It'll be ok" Elliot smiled at Liv  
"This isn't like any other interrogation I've dealt with"  
"It's not an interrogation" he grinned, "It's a couple of six year olds. You'll be fine"  
They rang the doorbell.  
When an attractive African American woman opened the door, Elliot extended his hand, "Hi" he began  
Before he could finish, she extended her own hand and shook Liv's, "I'm so glad you're here" she smiled, "and this must be Dad" she looked at Elliot  
"Well, actually" he started  
Just then, Jeremy and Noah ran into the front hallway  
"Bang, I got you!" Jeremy shouted, waving a plastic rifle  
"Pow, I got you, too!" Noah cheered, brandishing a neon colored pistol. The boys ran around Elliot, as the toy guns made electronic sound effects.  
"Oh good, I made sure to wear my anti-ray gun repellent" Elliot joked  
"Your dad is really weird" Jeremy raised his eyebrows  
Olivia looked nervously from one child to the next, and then to Elliot. She steeled herself and spoke to her son, "Noah, you know how I feel about guns, even toy guns"  
"But Jeremy's mom said it was alright" he whined  
"We can talk about that later on, but I need to talk about something important with you"  
"How come you came over to Jeremy's house? Are you ok? Did you get hurt at work?"  
"No" she smiled, "and thanks for thinking about me" she went on, "but I want to talk with you about what you told Jeremy. Elliot wants to say a couple of things, too" she glanced back at Elliot.  
"I'll give you some privacy" Jeremy's mother nodded, and took her son by the hand, "let's go make some snacks for Noah's parents" she told Jeremy and ushered him into the kitchen.  
Olivia knelt down so she was at eye level with her son, "Noah, you can't just go around telling people that Elliot is your father"  
"But why not? You like him, don't you?"  
Olivia frowned in confusion, "Why do you think that I like him?" she didn't dare let on that her son was absolutely right.  
"You didn't want anyone to see the picture, and you kept it really safe" he explained with little boy logic, "and I really love Eddie and don't want anything to happen to him" he referred to his stuffed animal toy, "so I keep him in my bed, and don't let anyone else see him"  
"I see" Olivia nodded, understanding her son's point of view  
"And he's got hair like me, but a lot less hair" Noah went on, "and you looked really happy in that picture, Mommy. How come you don't look happy anymore?" he continued, "was I bad, and that's why you're sad and mad all the time?"  
Olivia hugged her son, "Noah, I know you want Elliot to be your dad, but he's already a dad to five other kids, and – well, he and I were friends, but that's it"  
"You said was" Noah realized, "that's not now. That's a long time ago" he sighed  
Elliot squatted on the floor so he was eye level with Noah. Olivia looked over to him and then back to Noah, "Before you were born, Elliot and I used to work together, like how I work with uncle Fin and uncle Carisi"  
"But you don't look happy with them"  
"Maybe that's because she's their boss" Elliot grinned  
"So what?" Noah balked, "she's late at work all the time and we never get to play together. It's always homework and vegetables and bedtime. It's not fair!"  
"No, it's not" Olivia agreed, "but life isn't always fair, either. I know you want a dad, but that's not something I can provide, and it's not something that I can ask Elliot to do"  
"If you won't do it, I will" Noah was stubborn, "Will you be my Daddy, Elliot?"  
"I – uh" Elliot was a loss for words; he had a feeling this might've come, but now that it was here, what could he say? "Your mom's got a point" he began  
Noah interrupted him, "It's not fair!" the plastic toy gun was thrown to the ground and clattered on the hardwood floor, "Everyone's got a Dad except me! Some of my school friends even have two of them and nobody's too busy to play with them!"  
"It's difficult" Olivia sighed, "it's hard for me, and I know you're having a hard time. I want to be able to say that I can give you the kind of father you want, but that's more than I can do now"  
"I can't be your dad" Elliot offered, "but I can be your mom's friend. I can be your friend" he extended his hand, "if you're ok with that"  
"A dad would be way better" he pouted, "are you good at playing baseball?"  
"I think Casey would be better at teaching him sports" Elliot laughed  
"Can Casey be my daddy?" Noah inquired  
"Casey is a girl" Olivia explained, "and we haven't talked in a very long time" she sighed, "maybe that should change. I can't really keep being so wrapped up with what's going on that I forget all my friends who helped get me here, to where I am"  
"I told you you were too busy" Noah sounded oversmart  
"Maybe" Olivia didn't like him talking to her that way, "but I'm still your mother, and you can't go around talking to me like that, and you can't go around telling everyone things like Elliot is your dad jut because you want it to be true. It's not right for him, or me, and its certainly not right for you"  
"Am I in trouble?" Noah stared at his sneakers.  
"No, not now" Olivia softened, "but I do want you to understand that telling people something that's not true, even if you want it to be that way, is still lying, and you know how I feel about telling lies"  
"Not to do that" Noah already knew what the answer would be.  
"Exactly"  
"Do I have to go home right now?" he asked, "as punishment?"  
"No" Olivia shook her head, "you can stay at Jeremy's, but you've got to explain what happened. Otherwise, I'll do it for you"  
Noah understood that he could get in more trouble if Olivia handled things in front of Jeremy and Jeremy's mother, so Olivia wasn't surprised when he said, "No no, Mommy. I'll do it. I'll be good"  
"That's my sweet boy" she hugged him. "but I think I will talk with Jeremy's mom, just to be safe"  
"Are you really going to be my friend?" Noah asked Elliot  
"Sure, if that's ok with your mom, here" Elliot glanced from Noah to Olivia  
"Sure" Olivia smiled, and Noah and Elliot could see her eyes misting up a bit, "I think Elliot and I are going to be friends again, too"  
"Good" Noah cheered, "then we can all play together!"  
"But right now" Olivia stood up, "I've got to talk to Jeremy's mother before this rumor goes any farther"  
Noah grinned, "farther sounds like father" he laughed, "and farter"  
"I think we're alright here" Olivia gave a wry smile, "I'll be right back" she left and headed for the kitchen.  
"When you were friends with Mommy at work, did you shoot guns like she does?" Noah picked up the fallen plastic toy  
"I did" Elliot slowly replied. He was already remembering Jenna Fox  
"Did you kill any bad guys?"  
"You know, maybe we can talk about that later on"  
"When Mommy doesn't want to talk about stuff, it means she did it" he realized, "you did shoot bad guys"  
"Maybe when you're older, she'll tell you about what happened, but right now, it's not something that little boys should know about"  
"I'm not that little"  
"Ok, you're not that little" Elliot smiled to placate the boy, "I wonder how your mom's doing in there?"


	9. Chapter 9

In the kitchen, Olivia spoke with Jeremy's mother, Kelita, "Thanks for the privacy" she took a toaster pastry from tray that Jeremy offered her, "and the snack" she smiled at the little boy. "I think Noah has something he wants to talk with you about" she finished.  
Kelina guided her son into the living room again, and then turned to Olivia, "I hope you don't mind the boys playing. Noah seemed to gravitate to the toy pistols, and I didn't see any harm from a little pretend play"  
"Oh, I'll talk with him about that later on" Olivia nodded, "but I did want to talk with you about Elliot, the man I brought with me"  
"Noah really does take after his dad, though" Kelita smiled, "He's got that same determined look on his face when he wants something"  
"You could tell that Elliot has a determined look?" Olivia raised an eyebrow in surprise  
"Well, I like to think I'm good with faces" she went on, "I'm a counselor at the Hudson"  
"I see" Olivia acknowledged, "The thing I wanted to let you know, only so it doesn't go any farther, is that Elliot isn't Noah's father"  
"Does he know?"  
"Noah?"  
"I mean Elliot" Kelita spoke in hushed tones, "that would've killed Jeremy's father if he thought that Jeremy wasn't his"  
Olivia had a momentary flashback to when Elliot thought that baby Eli wasn't his child. There had been no real test done, that she could remember.  
"No" Olivia explained, "Elliot knows, and Noah knows, but he told your son that Elliot was his dad, even though he know that it wasn't true"  
"So you and Elliot-" Kelita purposely left the sentence unfinished  
"No" Olivia shook her head, "we were never involved"  
"But you look so close" she smiled  
"You're not the only one who thought that" Liv smiled in return, "but please, don't let Jeremy repeat any of that. Elliot isn't Noah's father, and to be perfectly honest, Elliot and I are just friends"  
"I see" Kelita nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."  
Meanwhile, in the living room hall, Noah and Jeremy were talking,  
"Elliot's not my dad" Noah looked down at his sneakers  
"Then why did you say he was?" Jeremy frowned, "How come you lied to me?"  
"I just- everyone's got a dad. It's not fair that I don't have one, too"  
Jeremy became quiet, "I don't"  
"But you said that we couldn't play together because I didn't have a dad" Noah practically shouted  
Jeremy sniffed back the beginnings of tears, "I – wanted – my friends – to have a – dad so that I- could- I could-" he began to cry  
"Hey" Elliot stepped in; he'd been quietly standing on the side, figuratively and literally, "It's ok" he knelt down and placed his hand on Jeremy's shoulder. "Let it out"  
Jeremy sobbed into Elliot's shoulder and neck.  
"I'm sorry" Noah reached out and touched Jeremy's other shoulder, "I didn't mean to"  
Olivia and Kelita rushed in, having heard the sobs  
"Noah, what did you do?" Olivia assumed Noah'd been to blame  
"I didn't do anything" he put his hands up in surrender  
"Mommy" Jeremy rushed from Elliot's side to Kelita's. He sobbed in her arms for a bit longer, and finally whispered something into her ear.  
"I've got a bit of a confession to make, as well" Kelita held her son, "My husband, Jeremy's father, isn't with us anymore"  
"Did he go away?" Noah asked innocently  
Olivia and Elliot understood right away. Olivia knelt by Noah and placed her arm around his shoulders, "No, sweet boy. Remember how I told you that your dad was in heaven?"  
"Uh huh" he nodded  
"Jeremy's dad is there, too"  
Noah looked at her for a moment, "do they talk about us?"  
"I'm not sure" Olivia was honest, inwardly shuddering at the thought of Johnny D talking to Kelita's husband.  
"It happened recently" Kelita explained, "less than a year ago" she held onto Jeremy, "he's had a rough time of it"  
"We understand" Olivia held Noah and spoke to her, "Elliot and I both worked for law enforcement. We've seen our share of – loss"  
"I'm sorry" Noah told his mother, and then reached out to his friend, "I'm sorry, Jeremy"  
"I'll get him down for a little rest" Kelita picked up Jeremy, "but thank you, Noah" she smiled at the little boy, "and thank you, Olivia, and Elliot, for taking the time to talk with me"  
"Of course" Olivia nodded and smiled back; she turned to Noah, "I think we better get you home, too"  
"Alright" he conceded, for a change  
Olivia buckled him into his booster seat in the back, while she drove, and Elliot sat in the passenger seat.  
"Do you think he'll be ok with going napless?" Elliot leaned across the center console to ask Olivia  
She glanced back, but Noah, a big boy of nearly seven, was fast asleep in his seat.  
"I know you've got to get back to the bureau" Olivia spoke quietly, "but I do want to speak with you about some things"  
"We've already tackled Noah's little snafu about wanting me to be his dad. Isn't that all you cared about?"  
She stopped for a moment, unable to finish speaking her thought, "Is that all you cared about?"  
"No" he smiled, "It's not"  
Olivia wasn't sure if she wanted to know what else, or who else, he cared about.  
Could it be her?


	10. Chapter 10

"Here we go" Elliot lifted a still sleeping Noah out of his booster seat, while Olivia carried Noah's backpack full of Noah's things- his pajamas, and his stuffed toy Eddie.  
Elliot carefully deposited Noah in his bed and slipped the little boy's sneakers off. Olivia placed Eddie next to her sleeping son, and the two former partners looked at the cherubic child. Olivia glanced over at Elliot, and had a fleeting moment of this was something that he'd done countless times with all of his children. "And here he is, doing it for Noah and me" she sighed inwardly. She looked at him, "Do you have to get back to the bureau?"  
"I – uh" Elliot glanced from Noah to Olivia, "I do, but- you've got work as well"  
"Fin's in charge" she explained, "but won't you get in trouble with your supervisor?"  
"Porter can handle the workload" Elliot grinned, "but" the smile faded, "I do have to get back. I can't go on playing truant and expect to keep the job"  
"I wouldn't want you to be on thin ice with your CO" Olivia conceded  
"Thanks" he nodded, "and I'm sure you run a tight ship" he meant at SVU  
"I do" she agreed, "and I shouldn't ask so much of Fin"  
"He's good, he's trustworthy."  
"I know" she nodded, "but thank you so much for being here, today"  
"I meant what I said" Elliot referred to earlier that day, "I'm here for you, and for Noah" he motioned toward the napping boy, "for anything"  
"Your kids" she began, "I'd hate to keep you from them" she headed to the door; he followed her.  
"Dickie and Elizabeth are grown up" he explained, "Eli's almost ready for middle school. I won't shortchange my kids, or my grand kids" he went on, "but I've got another chance to be back in your life" he looked squarely at her, "I won't let that slip away, ever again"  
She walked him to the front door, "I'll see you" she smiled  
"Not if I see you first" he grinned.  
With that, he was gone, but thankfully, Olivia felt, not forever.


End file.
